Caving In.

I feel like a complete retard,
a total loser, for having to believe you.
For letting you in again.
I swear I will learn from it this time round.
You can never trust anyone.
My whole world is just crashing down and apart from caving in I don'y know what I should do.
No one will stay.
They play you like a doll, once they're done, they put you back into the doll house.
Who am I?
I'm not even sure of that anymore.
What breaks you only makes you stronger?
Is that it?
What breaks you only makes you weaker.
I feel like a dumb ass right now.
I really do. And i hope you feel happy.

Bottles.

Okay so there's no school today,
which means there's a short update (:
this week's been good.
hahaha okay except maybe for monday?
there was much going on in my mind.
was just to lazy to do anything,
too lazy to move to go for the bbq.
or rather, not having the mood to.
yeah and X got angry with me for not turning up.
After that i had a talk with X,
and X says that I bottle up feelings.
Do I really bottle up my feelings?
Or am i choosing who to tell them to?
What's the point of letting everyone know how you feel?
they can't change the way how you feel right? ;D
I'd rather let no one know, than to let everyone know.
Going back to schl tmrw. sigh can i skip the rocket thing,
I don't see a need for that under the hot sun o:
okay i shall stop now.
-Keep your FRIENDS CLOSE, but your ENEMIES CLOSER,

x

MATH.

okay, math had math p2 today.
totally screwed up ); sadkid123
IF ONLY I GOT B3 OR SMTG.
I'D BE SUPER DUPER HAPPY!!
ahyo but impossible luh.
hahaha thank God for the rain!!
the weather's so cooling now.
it has been rather hot these few days o:
THANK YOU JESUS <3
hehe God is faithful!!
xx

Fake Smile.

Dear daddy, i know you wont be reading this but still i have to let out my feelings.
NOBODY GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT MY SMILE IS FAKE.
DOES HAVING SMALL EYES WITH TEETH MEAN THAT I HAVE A FAKE SMILE?
maybe it's not genuine to you but it is.
why can't i have small eyes?
hello, we're ASIANS, CHINESE.
maybe only 1 out of 10 singaporeans have big eyes but im not one of those.
plus i inherited it from either you or mummy okay?
besides that, your eyes aren't big too.
so who on earth are you to say that i have a fake smile?
so does being your child means that you can say that my smile is fake?
BULLSHIT.
and why do you think that i smile with teeth?
BECAUSE MY MOTHER FUCKING SPENT MORE THAN 5K FOR MY BRACES OKAY?
what's the point of hiding my teeth when i paid so much for it?
tsk, does it even make sense?
SO ALL IN ALL, YOU CANNOT SAY THAT MY SMILE IS FAKE.
a smile conceals everything but it doesn't mean that it's fake.
OKAY? (:
PEACE.


ohh ya, you guys have to click play on mixpod so that the music will play -_-
off to watch pretty little liars, SMILE! ;D

Joy?

Finally got the mood to blog.
HEE. I'm in the midsts of exams but I'm still sittg here to blog.
Slack or what?
HAHAHHAHA SINFUL.
hmm, had lit exams today. Didnt have time to complete it ):
I was at the last question!
okay moving on.
played bball today with vivian, bx, oxford, ryan, tim and some other junyuan guys.
never really experienced joy in such a long time (:
what really is joy, i wonder.
Is joy hapiness?
just letting go of all the unhappy things make you happy?
but how? how do you do so?
how are you supposed to let go of things that makes you unhappy?
do happy things maybe, you would say.
but up until now i don't really know what makes me happy.
just when i thought that things are getting better,
it's just getting worse.
sometimes i wonder why we are so hypocritical in everything.
why can't we have the guts to do the things that we really
feel like saying or doing?
i don't know what's happening,
but I know that I'm definitely stronger then who I've used to be.

xoxo

oh I've found a friend. I dont need you anymore, my dear.

I'm in a super bad mood now.
Why do people only come to me when they need me?!
and when they don't they just leave you alone.
it's irritating. What do you take me for?
I'm beginning to question myself - WHAT ON EARTH AM I TO YOU?
Do I deserve this, is this karma or what.
And please, I'm not your bloody substitute, neither am I your option, your back up or your spare tire!
I need to emphasize on this badly.
I WONT BE THERE FOR YOU IF IM GETTING TREATED LIKE THIS OKAY?
it's fair.

It's been long.

OKAY SO THE WEEK IS ALMOST OVER.
CAN'T BLOODY WAIT FOR IT TO PASS.
I've been kinda emotional this week I guess..
Wasn't really satisfied with anything.
I guess I should learn to appreciate things more.
I think I've been taken many things for-granted.
And I haven't been doing my quiet time,
and yes i'm guilty of it.
sigh.
okies nthg much, better start my hmwk.
much love :)

On the edge.

I'm currently doing research on global warming.
And it's such a sad thing.
Sigh, moving on.
You know when you just feel so loved and protected,
but you know it's all too good to be true,
everything just crashes.
And you then feel so lost, it's making you bitter and hard.
It's making you feel like nothing is ever worth the try of trusting.
what should I do? :(
I just feel like giving up on everything because I don't see the reason why I should stay/ hang on.
It's not like anybody cares, and it's just sad to say that.
I know that everything happens for a reason, and I want to know that reason.
Maybe I should leave, everything shld restart yeah?

Reminiscence.

yes, I miss you.
how, things just keeps getting worse, nothing gets better.
no matter how I try to keep myself distracted, you're just there.
sigh still fell hard despite knowing the consequences.
what the toot is wrong with me. ): gah.
mixed feelings. feeling like a complete moron please.
I want to talk to you, but you just push me away.
I don't fucking know what to do. tell me? ):

Picture Perfect Memories.

I just took Polaroid pictures with Vivian :)
HAHAHAHHA and she's just so sweet and funny and loving.
She's always there when I needed her.
Love you babe <3
I guess I', never gonna be good enough for you,
so I guess I should just move on.
Okay, nothing much today.

Ciao.